"You get to a point where you want to be able to wake up next to someone and cuddle, as opposed to saying, 'Want me to get you an Uber?'"
One-night stands can be mind-blowing or regret-inducing, and you never really know which it's going to be. In this week's ,
Cosmopolitan.com spoke with three anonymous twentysomething men about
how they really feel about one night of sex without any commitment.
How old are you?Man A:
Twenty-three.
Twenty-three.
Man B:
Twenty-two.
Twenty-two.
Man C:
Twenty-four.
Twenty-four.
How old were you when you had your first one-night stand?Man A:
Twenty.
Twenty.
Man B:
Twenty.
Man C:
Seventeen.
Seventeen.
How did it happen?Man A:
My first one-night stand happened while traveling abroad and she lives in completely different country than I do. Plus, we never got each other's contact information, so staying in touch was never an option.
My first one-night stand happened while traveling abroad and she lives in completely different country than I do. Plus, we never got each other's contact information, so staying in touch was never an option.
Man B:
We had been talking for a while on Tinder and finally, she told me she wanted to come over so she could get away from roommate drama, and I was surprised that she was making the first move. When she came over, it just happened and I went with it. We didn't see each other again because I was just really embarrassed that I let it happen in the first place. I'm very into one-partner sexual relationships, so every time I saw her on campus, I felt like like I was staring directly at my mistakes.
We had been talking for a while on Tinder and finally, she told me she wanted to come over so she could get away from roommate drama, and I was surprised that she was making the first move. When she came over, it just happened and I went with it. We didn't see each other again because I was just really embarrassed that I let it happen in the first place. I'm very into one-partner sexual relationships, so every time I saw her on campus, I felt like like I was staring directly at my mistakes.
Man C:
We had known each other through mutual friends from high school and I had actually been on a date with our mutual friend. One night when my parents were gone, I texted her to see what she was doing and she came over and we slept together. After that we never spoke again and I didn't have any interest in seeing her again.
We had known each other through mutual friends from high school and I had actually been on a date with our mutual friend. One night when my parents were gone, I texted her to see what she was doing and she came over and we slept together. After that we never spoke again and I didn't have any interest in seeing her again.
Did both parties seem OK with the one-night-stand-ness of the situation?Man A: Seeing
as we were both tourists who totally knew we would never see each other
again, we were both into it. That's probably just because it was so
defined and people are usually more inclined to do things they normally
wouldn't do when they're on vacation, so I have no idea how she feels
about one-night stands in general. I did, and still think, it was a fun
experience. I just saw it as two people who connected for a night, had a
lot of fun, and then went their separate ways.
Man B:
We were both OK with it because we'd always had sexual tension between us and figured it was inevitably going to happen at some point. At the time, it felt physically satisfying and it was a totally unexpected surprise, but looking back, I completely regret it. I really liked the girl I had that one-night stand with and I felt like I ruined the dynamic of that potential relationship by going through with it.
We were both OK with it because we'd always had sexual tension between us and figured it was inevitably going to happen at some point. At the time, it felt physically satisfying and it was a totally unexpected surprise, but looking back, I completely regret it. I really liked the girl I had that one-night stand with and I felt like I ruined the dynamic of that potential relationship by going through with it.
Man C:
No, because the sex didn't last very long. I was slightly embarrassed that the sex was so quick, but I also thought, Man, I need to have one-night stands more often! Now, I look back and just laugh at myself.
No, because the sex didn't last very long. I was slightly embarrassed that the sex was so quick, but I also thought, Man, I need to have one-night stands more often! Now, I look back and just laugh at myself.
What percentage of your sexual encounters are one-night stands now? Man A: If
we are talking about one and done, then it's probably about 30 percent.
I'm in my early 20s in a major city, with no desire to settle down, and
I want to enjoy myself while I can. I won't shy away from a
relationship if I find someone I can't live without, but until that time
comes, I plan on having a little fun.
Man B: I'd
say 10 to 20 percent. I don't as much anymore, partly because I live
out in the middle of nowhere and my town has less than 7,000 people in
it, but mostly just because I'm looking for a connection with a
committed partner.
Man C:
It used to be 70 percent, if not more. But not anymore because I'm in a relationship.
It used to be 70 percent, if not more. But not anymore because I'm in a relationship.
Do you prefer one-night stands to relationships or friends with benefits? Man A:
I've never really had a serious, committed relationship, so I can't really speak to that. It's not that I'm opposed to the idea, it's just that I enjoy being single too much, and would rather focus on my career and my life than being with somebody else. Plus, I've seen what people become when they get in relationships, and I really don't want or need that in my life right now. I've tried having friends with benefits, which is obviously ideal, but one person always ends up having feelings for the other person, and if you are only having sex with that person, than you really are kind of in a relationship without even knowing it.
I've never really had a serious, committed relationship, so I can't really speak to that. It's not that I'm opposed to the idea, it's just that I enjoy being single too much, and would rather focus on my career and my life than being with somebody else. Plus, I've seen what people become when they get in relationships, and I really don't want or need that in my life right now. I've tried having friends with benefits, which is obviously ideal, but one person always ends up having feelings for the other person, and if you are only having sex with that person, than you really are kind of in a relationship without even knowing it.
Man B:
I'm not really very happy with either of those, but if I had to choose, I would choose friends with benefits. There's a certain kinship in a FWB relationship that is very comforting and the mutual understanding does wonders for the confidence of the relationship. To me, one-night stands feel very cold and foreign.
I'm not really very happy with either of those, but if I had to choose, I would choose friends with benefits. There's a certain kinship in a FWB relationship that is very comforting and the mutual understanding does wonders for the confidence of the relationship. To me, one-night stands feel very cold and foreign.
Man C:
I am in a committed relationship now, but from time to time, I miss the one-night stands and friends with benefits situations. If I am single, I prefer friends with benefits to one-night stands. That way, you always have someone or multiple people on call. Being able to text someone, "What are you up to?" and have them know that's code for "Let's get it on" is a great thing to have in your pocket.
I am in a committed relationship now, but from time to time, I miss the one-night stands and friends with benefits situations. If I am single, I prefer friends with benefits to one-night stands. That way, you always have someone or multiple people on call. Being able to text someone, "What are you up to?" and have them know that's code for "Let's get it on" is a great thing to have in your pocket.
How often do you tell the people you're having one-night stands with that it's just going to be a one-night stand? Man A:
If I get the opportunity to tell them, I always make it crystal clear that I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm not out hurt people. I want the woman to know where my interests lie, and if she is interested in the same thing, then it's on her to not let herself get too attached. It doesn't always work though because no matter what you tell some women, they still expect more, but for my own conscience, I feel I did the right thing.
If I get the opportunity to tell them, I always make it crystal clear that I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm not out hurt people. I want the woman to know where my interests lie, and if she is interested in the same thing, then it's on her to not let herself get too attached. It doesn't always work though because no matter what you tell some women, they still expect more, but for my own conscience, I feel I did the right thing.
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